The Technology I Can’t Live Without

Thirty years ago I didn’t have an internet connection and I didn’t miss it.  I wasn’t yet addicted to my home computer, email, Facebook, blogs and more.  I tried to remind myself of that over the weekend, as again I was without a working internet connection and it was driving me to distraction.

And, I didn’t have a working telephone connection.  Now in all my life, I have rarely gone more than a day or two without a working telephone, though I did have to share a party line of up to 8 parties over the years.  In recent years however, I have become used to just picking up the telephone and making my calls.

All of this changed in the past few months.  By last weekend, my computer was about as useful as a paperweight!  And my telephone was equally useless.  I had been having trouble with both ever since I came home from my winter vacation.  But in the past 3 weeks it got much worse, with only hours per day when I could get online or get a dial tone.  The rest of the day nothing worked.

Naturally I called the cable company.  The cable lady continued to tell me to take out the power cord from the modem for a minute and then plug it back in.  That was supposed to reset my modem and make everything work.  At first, it gave me a day’s worth of internet or phone service.  Then just hours, and by last weekend, it gained me nothing at all.

I decided to cancel my telephone service with the cable company and switch to the telephone company.  They don’t have a great reputation for service either, but at least they wouldn’t tell me to reboot my modem every day.  But after I called to switch service, nothing happened.  I waited a week and finally called the telephone company today.

They told me they cannot pick up my telephone service with my current number unless my telephone is working!  I had put off calling the cable company again because I wanted to first dump the telephone and then see if they could get the internet service to work.  However, today I had to call both the telephone company and the cable company.

When the lady at the cable company again asked me to remove the source of power from the modem, I almost blew up.  I told her I had done that hundreds of times in the past 2 months and that it just did not work.  She insisted I do it once more and of course, it still didn’t work.

Finally she said she would send a technician – which was way overdue in my opinion!  Anyway, he came within an hour which was amazing.  The technician checked the wires and cable modem inside and the wires outside.  He concluded that some parts had worn out and he replaced them.  Immediately I had a working internet connection and a working telephone with a genuine dial tone!

I told dad last weekend that my telephone was not working and I needed to have it fixed.  He asked if it was a portable telephone.  (I think he meant a cell phone.)  I said no, it was the house phone and I needed it.  Dad is still pretty much aware of what is going on, even though he rarely talks on the telephone (doesn’t answer when called) and I don’t know for sure that he even can still make calls.  Still he understood why I felt I needed mine.

Interestingly, just a year ago I switched dad’s telephone from the cable company to the telephone company.  The reason was a bit different.  In his assisted living facility, the cable company was not permitted to put in wired wherever they wanted to.  Instead they had to just install the modem near the door.  I then had to plug the telephone into the modem, which was not near dad’s bed or his Lazy Boy chair.

Dad rarely answered his telephone and I concluded it was just too difficult for him to get to it.  Once I switched him to the telephone company, he could have one telephone next to his bed and another by his Lazy Boy chair.  But now he spends all day in the television lounge and still doesn’t answer the telephone!  Oh well — at least it works!

Catching Up on Clutter — Partly…

I always thought that once I retired I would have time to do everything I wanted to do.  My house would finally be neat and clean and I would be able to take part in all the activities that I wanted.  It didn’t quite work out that way, as I began caregiving for mom and dad even before I retired.  I did get more time to spend with them, but at the expense of the time I was going to spend on other things.

This week I had scheduled the window cleaner to come and clean all my windows – inside and out.  That meant I had to make sure he could reach the windows in every room.  Several rooms had clutter near the window.  I knew I would put the library books and other things that were on my bedroom end table right on top of my bed.

But, the workspace in my computer room (in front of the windows) had been cluttered for years.  I started earlier this year and had already removed stacks of papers and filed them or tossed them. This time I decided to tackle the basket of receipts.

This basket had plastic bags with receipts in them.  One was receipts for Christmas gifts purchased in 2012.  Another bag was for Christmas 2011.  I save them in case there is a need to exchange or return a gift, but somehow I never got back to them – even from 2011.  I looked through these 2 bags and shredded most of the receipts, filing the rest.

The other plastic bags were even more difficult to work through.  I had plastic bags of receipts from each of the trips I took down south to help mom and dad, and then for my winter vacations after mom passed away and I brought dad up here.

The first batch of receipts was from January through March 2009.  I was amazed that I had this pile of receipts as they were 4 years old now!  I looked through all of them and was reminded of the times I accompanied mom to her various medical appointments.  There were receipts for transportation, groceries, etc.  My original plan was to review them all and account for them in my financial software as I track where the money goes.  I decided that was just not going to happen and I shredded them all.

Then there was the bag for January through March 2010.  This was the last year that mom and dad lived independently in their mobile home.  It was the year I tried desperately to get mom to agree to go to assisted living.  Again I had lots of receipts for transportation, some medical receipts, some for groceries, etc.  And again after reviewing them I shredded them.

Another bag contained all the receipts from when mom fell and broke her hip in November 2010 through March 2011 when I brought dad home.  This was full of important receipts.  Mom had told me directly that I was not to use my own money to take care of her while she was in the hospital.  I told her I would straighten it out and pay myself back “later when you get out of the hospital”.

Mom never got out of the hospital.  She passed away within 3 weeks.  And I remained in temporary housing on the campus of dad’s assisted living facility through March of 2011.  I had all the receipts for those 5 months in that envelope.  I had lots of taxi receipts as I had to take a cab to visit mom in the hospital most days, sometimes with dad and sometimes alone.  The ALF provided transportation to dad but only weekdays, not weekends and holidays.  We spent a fortune on taxis.

In addition, there were receipts for things I had to buy for mom and dad while I was there.  Mom wanted me to buy her bath powder and Band-Aids to keep in her room at the ALF (things she never got to use) and dad needed some clothing.  I paid for many of these things myself and was going to get myself reimbursed “later”.  Later never came and I just didn’t have the energy to sort through all of that.  In the end I just shredded all except the cab receipts and a few medical receipts.  This frustrates me as I shouldn’t be using my own money to support mom and dad.  Later when dad is gone my brother, sister and I will split what is left.  By paying in a few thousand dollars of my own money, I will get back only a third of it if anything is left.  Still I am tired of having all that stuff sit on my desk and would never really want to go through it receipt by receipt.

Similarly, I had another bag of receipts from January through March 2011.  This was just my own expenses and I planned to log it into my financial software to track spending on clothing, groceries, etc.  (I do tend to shop for clothes more in the warm south just because it is easier to walk to the store and I don’t have enough room in my suitcase to bring enough with me.)  That leaves me shipping at least one box home in the end!

Anyway, by that point, I just reviewed them and then shredded all those receipts also.  That left me with a basket of empty plastic bags and I could just put those aside for another use later.  It took me all morning, but I had emptied one basket from the top of my cluttered workspace!  I felt like I had really accomplished something – especially realizing that some of those papers had been there almost since the day I moved into this townhouse!

Now my computer room is not yet clutter free.  But I have made more progress this year than I had in any previous year.  I still have a basket of donation requests from groups that I have supported in the past.  The problem is that each one sends me a donation request every month.  And they sell their lists so these requests multiply like hangers in a dark closet!  I will have to tackle those next.  Next time!  Not today.

Best Moment and WordPress Family Awards

First I apologize for being too busy to blog recently.  I have a lot to write about but few free moments to write.  I do not want to wait any longer though to acknowledge two awards I recently received.

I have been awarded the Best Moment Award by Tersiaburger at http://tersiaburger.com/2013/05/04/best-moment-award-2/ .   I want to thank Tersia for this nomination and to tell you how much I have been riveted to her blog.  She is a mother and grandmother and cared for her daughter Vicky over many years through many trials and tribulations because Vicki was born with Osteogenesis Imperfecta which is a lifelong painful and debilitating disease.  Recently Vicky passed away from the effects of this disease after a long and painful journey.  Tersia has written beautifully about her love for her daughter and grandsons and her efforts to comfort and support Vicky through this journey.  Please click over and check out Tersia’s blog.  You will find it compelling.

RULES for the Best Moment Award:

1. Winners re-post this completely, with their acceptance speech. That could be written down or video recorded.

2. Winners have the privilege of awarding the next awardees! The re-post should include a NEW list of people, blogs worthy of the award, and winners notify them the great news.

What makes a good acceptance speech?

Gratitude. Thank the people who helped you along the way.

Humour-Keep us entertained and smiling.

Inspiration – Make your story touch our lives.

Get an idea from the great acceptance speech, compiled in MomentMatters.com/speech

Display the award’s badge on your blog/website, downloadable in MomentMatters.com/Award

My acceptance speech:

This will be short and sweet as I am not a great one for speeches.  I am honored to receive this award as I have shared much of my life on my blog with many of you over the past year and a half.  I receive a lot of helpful support from my readers and this support helps me in my efforts in caring for dad.  We are at a good place right now in that dad is healthier than he was a year ago and his sense of humor is intact.  I am able to spend fewer days visiting him as I continue to spend a lot of time on other tasks such as financial, shopping, etc.

I love my dad and am glad to be able to be with him as he is in his mid-90’s now.  I always planned to spend more time with mom and dad after I retired, and was devastated at the loss of my mother over two years ago.  Ever since mom died I have questioned my actions in caring for dad.  My readers have offered suggestions and support that helped me feel more confident in the path that I am taking.  For that I am thankful to all of you.

At this time, I would like to nominate five more bloggers, reminding you that I also recommend 10 additional bloggers in my discussion of the WordPress Family Award (below).

The Nominees for the Best Moment Award are:

Margo at Married to Alzheimer’s  (http://marriedtoalzheimers.com/) has a husband with Alzheimer’s disease.

Sharechair at  http://sharechair.wordpress.com/  keeps us up-to-date on new technology.  She writes about iPads, iPhones, and eReaders and has so many useful tips.

Day By Day With The Big Terrible A (Alzheimer’s…)  http://daybydaywiththebigterriblea.wordpress.com/  whose husband also has Alzheimer’s disease.

Laura who cared for her grandfather, George, who had Alzheimer’s disease and was over 100 years old.  He recently passed away and now she is coping with her grief and adjusting to her new life without him.  Check out: “Not Housebound” at  http://nothousebound.wordpress.com/

Irene at “Baby Boomers and More” writes about caregiving also and injects some humor every Monday with her “light” posts.  I have been following this blog for long time and recommend you check it out. http://babyboomersandmore.com/

And Thank You to “Life on Wry” for nominating me for the WordPress Family Award http://lifeonwry.com/2013/05/07/feeling-lucky/ .

I am honored to have received the WordPress family award from Life on Wry and I encourage you to go over and check out her blogs. She is a mother of teenage boys and a freelance writer and she is also caring for her dying mother who has Alzheimer’s disease.  I relate very much to her posts, and I believe you will also.

I am not going to go into all the details about the WordPress Family Award since I was also nominated for this award by Terry of Terry1954 on April 24th.  I refer you all also to the 10 great bloggers that I nominated at that time and suggest you wander over there and check out those blogs also.  We have so many fine bloggers on WordPress that it is hard to keep up with all of them.  However, do look for yourself and see if there are some you want to follow or check out from time to time.

Caring for the Caregiver – Part 2

Last time I wrote about how important it is to make time for ourselves as we give care to our loved ones.  I was pleased that I had scheduled many preventive exams and tests with quite a few physicians during my first month back from my winter vacation.

This past week results of some of my medical tests have come back and they point to some problems and a need to take even more time to care for myself.  My bone scan showed more loss of bone over the past 2 years and a need to make more changes in how I respond.  In fact, two doctors, both my primary physician and my specialist called the same day to tell me the results and that I need to determine what to do next.

Unfortunately, there are no easy solutions to bone loss as we get older.  There are many different medications that are prescribed for this condition.  However, most have serious or even life threatening side effects in some cases.  I have been taking one medication for several years and before that I tried two others.  One of the two I tried was ineffective (and has now been linked to cancer) and the other caused severe stomach problems.

The current one has the potential for serious side effects but so far has not caused any problems.  However, I have not been as good as I should have been and have forgotten to take the pills once or twice a week.  This obviously limits its effectiveness.  I decided to change the time of day I take this medication as I am less likely to forget the morning medications than I am the mid-day ones.

My specialist discussed the options for treatment with me by phone and suggested I research 2 newer medications to see whether I thought I could live with them.  I researched them and determined that the cure could be worse than the condition, though in fact, it is a serious issue either way.  A hip fracture can lead to death in up to 20 to 25% of elderly patients.

As I researched on the web page of the Osteoporosis Foundation, I saw there was a huge emphasis on fall prevention.  Well, I decided, that is one thing I can do.  I can get more grab bars and work on an exercise program to improve my balance and prevent serious falls.  There are other things I can and should do around the house to eliminate items that might cause me to trip and fall.

I had been participating in such an exercise program before mom fell over 2 years ago and I became even more entwined in the caregiving web.  Since mom fell and I subsequently brought dad home to live near me, I had totally discontinued my participation in the exercise program, though I continued to take long walks.

Now I am determined to get back into this program which is like a Silver Sneakers program, that is designed for people over 55.  There is emphasis on using all the muscles, doing a little with weights and working on balanced, among other things.  It still is enough activity during 45 minutes to an hour to get me tired by the end if not before.

I went back to the exercise program this week and joined my friends and neighbors again.  The group had gotten small over the winter but doubled in size this week.  I guess I was not the only person to decide it was time to get back to regular exercise!

I still need to discuss these plans with my doctors, but I know in the end the decision is mine.  I just hate the fact that there are no easy solutions.  I know a broken bone at any age is serious, and as we age the probability of such breaks increases considerably.

Caring for the Care Giver

Many of us are Care givers for family members.  We spend a lot of time and mental energy on this effort.  We know that research shows caregivers are less healthy and have shorter lives than non care givers, but still we persevere in this, our self-appointed task.

As care givers, many of us feel alone in our efforts.  Some are lucky enough to have siblings and/or other family members to help in the primary tasks of care giving.  But too many of us are on our own.

In either case, the most important thing we have to remember (and do) is to take care of ourselves even while we are caring for our loved one.  I know I was extremely stressed out when mom was ill and especially in her last illness while she was in the hospital.  I ran from early in the morning till late in the day trying to care for her and go back and care for dad.

Even now, when mom is gone, I spend a lot of time and energy both in being physically there with dad and also taking care of his financial and other affairs.  It is often hard to take time for my own needs because I am so focused on his.

However, each year when I get back from my vacation in the south, I have a list of appointments for my personal physician, other physicians and medical tests.  It seems that as I get older, I have more doctors – one for each body part – and more routine tests to be done.  Sometimes it seems so overwhelming I am tempted to just cancel them all and take more time for fun.

Then I remind myself how important it is to maintain my own health.  I can’t take care of dad, or the rest of my family, if I neglect myself.  I have been to the lab for blood tests, to the dentist for my twice yearly cleanings and more, and to other various doctors.

I wake up and think about how I am spending my time since I retired.  This was not what I envisioned.  No one says, “I am saving for my retirement so I can retire and spend my days sitting in medical waiting rooms!”  Still, that is what I have been doing.

It dawned on me this spring that I have to put as great an effort into scheduling pure fun into my life.  I signed up for some trips scheduled through our community clubhouse and another scheduled through the Senior Center.  I will be doing more outside activities that I have in the past and I am looking forward to it.

Until now I was afraid to set up activities for myself for fear I would have to cancel if something happened to my parents.  Now I have been caring for dad over 2 years since mom passed away and I realize that I can’t set aside my life until he no longer needs me.  I was able to go south two years in a row for several months without any unforeseen events.

I can cancel a specific event if I need to, but in the meantime I will go out and have fun.   Now that dad has become more active in his assisted living community, I feel more comfortable leaving him to their activities more days a week.  I still visit him at least 3 days a week, but on the other days I can now take more time for myself.

So, in addition to all of the medical appointments I have in my schedule, I now have the other things that I had planned to do after retirement.  I will ride a tour bus, go with friends and see things I have never seen before.  I moved here almost 5 years ago.  Now it is time to see the sights!

Very Inspiring Blogger Award and WordPress Family Award

Today I am going to attempt to catch up on a neglected post.  Kate Swaffer from “Creating Life With Words” nominated me for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award on March 24th –  and I haven’t had time to respond yet.

I want to point you towards Kate’s blog first and foremost as she is one of the most inspiring bloggers I know.  Kate has been diagnosed with early dementia, yet she posts almost daily.  Her blog attempts to educate the rest of us about what it feels like to be diagnosed with dementia, and I hope you will click over and review some of her blog posts.  I have learned so much from Kate and am glad to have found her blog.

These are the Rules of Acceptance for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award are:

1. Display the award logo on your blog. 2. Link back to the person who nominated you. 3. State 7 things about yourself. 4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them – I feel this is too much pressure – so if you don’t feel up to this step of the rules, please accept it with love anyway. 5. Notify them of the nomination and the award’s requirements.

Above I have linked back to Kate’s blog and I certainly recommend you read it as it IS Very Inspiring.  I have displayed the logo on this page, and I will try to come up with some facts about myself.

1. I love animals and babies though I don’t have either at the moment. J
2. I always planned to spend “more time” with mom and dad after retirement, but I had no idea how much time it would actually take!
3. Mom and I have always been close, ever since I was quite young.
4. I still miss mom every day, even though she has been gone more than 2 years now.
5. I love to spend time with my grandchildren.
6. My children grew up too fast while I was looking the other way. (preoccupied) L
7. I love to blog also but again, I don’t seem to get to it as often as I would like.

I don’t have 15 nominations, but just 2 inspiring bloggers for now.  The first is Kate, (above) who nominated me.  She is one of the most inspiring bloggers I have read.

The other is Terry of Terry1954 who has lots of award nominations and deserves every one of them.  She is such a dedicated caregiver to her brother and has a lot of people who follow her posts every day.  Go over to her blog and see why.

I Am Part of the WordPress Family Award

This week, Terry of Terry1954 nominated me for the “I Am Part of the WordPress Family Award” on April 21, 2013.

The rules are as follows:

1. Display the award logo on your blog.

2. Link back to the person who nominated you.

3. Nominate 10 others you see as having an impact on your WordPress experience and family

4. Let your 10 Family members know you have awarded them

5. That is it. Just please pick 10 people who have taken you as a friend, and spread the love.

Quoted from the Rules: “This is an award for everyone who is part of the “Word Press Family” I started this award on the basis that the WordPress family has taken me in, and showed me love and a caring side only WordPress can. The way people take a second to be nice, to answer a question and not make things a competition amazes me here. I know I have been given many awards, but I wanted to leave my own legacy on here by creating my own award, as many have done before. This represents “Family” we never meet, but are there for us as family. It is my honour to start this award”

Now I will list my nominations for the Word Press Family Award.

The Laughing Housewife  http://wordpress.com/#!/read/blog/id/8387990/ I keep up with this one for the humor!

The Lemon Bar Queen   http://jlsm697.wordpress.com/ She writes about her mother with Alzheimer’s Disease.

Aid In Aging   http://aidingaging.wordpress.com/ She is a caregiver for her aging parents.

Chase It or Be Chased   http://chaseitorbchased.com/  This one is for keeping up with technology.

Not Forgotten   http://wordpress.com/#!/read/blog/id/46704026/

Two Socks on One Foot http://twosocksonefoot.wordpress.com/  Diary of a Dementia Carer.

Laughing at Alzheimer’s  http://laughingatalzheimers.com/  Like me, she writes about family members with Alzheimer’s

Sort Your Story  http://sortyourstory.wordpress.com/   This is to keep our family stories in mind.

The Estate Lady Speaks  http://estatelady.wordpress.com/  Lots of good information from this one.

More on Dad’s Shoes

Previously I wrote a post about dad refusing to wear his shoes.  I was frustrated that I couldn’t see for myself what the problem was since he had perfectly good shoes when I left.  It turns out he still has perfectly good shoes.  He has just decided he doesn’t like them anymore.

After I returned home from my vacation, I took dad to his doctor.  It was a cold and drizzly day and dad was wearing his slippers.  I convinced him to wear his shoes even though he said they were not comfortable.  Once we got out and to the doctor, he never mentioned the shoes again.  I thought the problem was solved.

However, after that I noticed he continued to wear just his slippers in the assisted living facility.  This past week when I was taking him to lunch, I suggested he wear his shoes, and again he said they hurt his feet.  It wasn’t raining and it wasn’t as cold as the week before, so we just went out with him wearing his slippers.

I brought his shoes home with me.  I told him I will get him new shoes or have his old ones stretched.  Today I took his shoes to the mall and to a decent shoe store.  They had very few choices in the type of shoes dad likes (basically what he called boat shoes, or I would have called loafers.)  They had some canvas shoes and one pair of softer leather that would have been available in a wide size but they were out.

I bought the canvas shoes which had a square front rather than tapering into the middle.  The salesman thought they would give dad’s toes more room.  My guess is that dad’s toenails are mis-shaped and that makes his shoes uncomfortable.

I also took his old shoes to a shoe repair shop and left them to be stretched, especially in the front.  I am hoping that either the new shoes will fit or the stretched shoes will become more comfortable.  I will bring the new shoes when I visit dad tomorrow.  The others won’t be ready until later in the week.

I find myself spending a lot of time on “dad care” even on the days when I don’t visit dad at all.  In addition to days I shop for dad’s groceries or shoes or whatever, there are also the paperwork days.  I finally finished dad’s taxes last week.  I had to file both federal and state tax forms for him.  I completed the forms and then brought them to dad for his signature.  Then I took them to the post office to send certified with proof of delivery.

Since I had to do my own anyway, I didn’t mind.  But his are more complicated and of course it doubles the time it takes to get it all done.  I guess I would rather spend my “dad time” on being with dad rather than on these other tasks that I do for dad.

At least the weather should start to warm up soon though it remains quite cold and very wet.  We even had ice pellets come down yesterday.  I think if the weather is warm and dry I won’t worry about letting dad go out wearing his slippers.  At his age, he should be able to do whatever he wants to as long as it doesn’t put him at risk.