My Siblings Visit with Dad: Part 2


As I mentioned in an earlier post, my brother and sister visited dad on Monday.   They came to my house after visiting with dad and left items my brother brought for me and picked up some items my sister had wanted.  They had planned to spend Tuesday in my sister’s town, which they did.

Yesterday they again visited with dad.  I expected them to come visit afterwards again as they said they would.  I made no other plans even though it was my day to “not visit” dad.  Usually I plan out such days, but I just took a walk in my neighborhood and caught up around the house.

Just after 3 PM my sister called.  They were getting ready to leave my dad’s.  She wanted to know “was there a reason we were going to your house after seeing dad”?  I was so surprised by the question I didn’t have a ready answer.  I hadn’t seen my brother since November and my sister since December of last year except for our short visit on Monday.

I thought we might discuss other upcoming issues like funeral planning.  I also thought I would ask my brother again about his financial plan.  He had told me he was going to see his Financial Planner “soon” and maybe the planner would help him figure out a way to get access to his retirement money so he could purchase dad’s house.  I know that is a long shot as my brother is deep in debt and has borrowed his limit against his investment home in New England and against his retirement plan.  But he is still working though well past the age of retirement and I didn’t see why he couldn’t access his own retirement funds.

However, when my sister asked her question, I was so startled I just said I didn’t know if there was a reason they had planned to come over.  Well, she said they would skip the visit and just head back to her home.  My brother is to be driving the 400 miles back to dad’s house today.

After that phone conversation, I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or annoyed.  I get stressed by talking to my brother.  However, we have issues to resolve and we didn’t discuss them at all.

I decided to just get out in the sun and take another walk which did wonders to relieve my stress.  I will email my brother sometime soon to ask the question about the financial planner.  I keep hoping to come up with an easier solution.  Throwing him out of the house, even if I were successful, would be very difficult simply because of the volume of books and other things he has in that house.  He estimated it would take over 10 trucks to get all the books to New England and I don’t think that includes everything.  And the house will be a mess to clean and prepare for sale.

Anyway, the progress is slow but I am glad this visit is over.  I still have items on my “to-do” list that I need to follow up on.  I think I will finally have time to deal with some of them next week.

Today I went to visit dad.  I could see my brother had purchased a lot of food – cold cuts, bread, snacks, etc. and placed them in the kitchen cabinets and refrigerator.  I told dad to remember to eat some of those snacks.  He eats all his meals in the ALF dining room so these would be for in-between meals if he gets hungry.

I asked dad if he had a nice visit with my siblings.  He looked at me and shrugged his shoulders.  I don’t know if he forgot already that he had visitors, or if he just wasn’t that excited about the visit.  Dad doesn’t talk very much and it was probably difficult to get him into a conversation.  I didn’t ask anything else because it isn’t my business whatever they discussed, if anything.

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About letstalkaboutfamily

I am a retired and was the primary caregiver for both my parents before they passed. I have children and grandchildren. This blog is an attempt to connect with other caregivers and share ideas and experiences. I hope you will let me know what worked for you if you had an experience similar to mine. The main issues I am going to talk about are elder care, death and dying, assisted living, family relationships and hoarders and hoarding. Other topics will come up as I address the issues and my relationship with other family members.
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2 Responses to My Siblings Visit with Dad: Part 2

  1. Teresa Cleveland Wendel says:

    Well, you might have gotten short-changed in the sibling department. :o)

    • I think that may be true ;). My brother wand I were close in age but we didn’t have a close relationship. My sister was a few years younger and we weren’t very close till we both had children. But later on she kind of drifted away and then I lived thousands of miles away and she never answered mail and often didn’t even answer her phone. Now the 3 of us keep in contacts little via FB but nothing we wouldn’t share with hundreds of others.

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