Alzheimer’s and Me

Sometimes I feel like Alzheimer’s is going to do me in.  I realized yesterday that I am probably depressed and have been for awhile.  I feel like I am knocking my head against a wall every day and I can’t seem to stop.

My son came over last evening to help me put dad’s computer in the back of my car.  Tomorrow he will help me bring it in to dad’s apartment.  I am doing this, feeling that it is burden and that it isn’t going to work, and yet I can’t not do it!  I decided I have to give in to dad’s request simply to stop him from asking me about his computer every time I see him.

I don’t even know if I can get it working once we set it up in his room.  I will do what I can with the pieces I have and hope I haven’t lost any wires or parts.  He will ask for a printer and paper later too and I don’t have an extra printer any more.  I want to focus first on getting the computer to boot up and see if he can at least play a card game on it.

I expect as soon as anything is there, he will want everything including the printer.  He will want it set up so he can dial-up to his free service that he hasn’t used a 2 or 3 years now.  That is what he asked for just over a year ago and I did get help and set up a network and a way to get to his email.  And, of course, as I wrote before, he never used it.  Still, he asked first for the computer, then for the printer and finally for the paper.  And then it all sat there.  “See Dad and His Computer – Part 2”.

So I haven’t even begun to set it up yet and already I am discouraged about the efforts I will make to try to get it up and running.  This time I am not paying for the internet connection hookup and monthly fees.  I will run a wire to his new telephone jacks and see if we can find a phone number to use for dial-up service.

And already I feel defeated.  I just can’t get enthused about this as it has all been done before.

Why am I doing it?  I argue with myself but the fact is that if it were a child of mine who wanted something he couldn’t quite do, I would say “Wait until next year when you are older and more able to handle the tasks.”  But with dad and his Alzheimer’s, he won’t be doing better next year.  This is as good as he will be.  And it is something he wants enough to ask for it several times a week.  How can I say no?

So here we go, one more round.  Let’s hope we can make it work!

About letstalkaboutfamily

I am a retired and was the primary caregiver for both my parents before they passed. I have children and grandchildren. This blog is an attempt to connect with other caregivers and share ideas and experiences. I hope you will let me know what worked for you if you had an experience similar to mine. The main issues I am going to talk about are elder care, death and dying, assisted living, family relationships and hoarders and hoarding. Other topics will come up as I address the issues and my relationship with other family members.
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5 Responses to Alzheimer’s and Me

  1. terry1954 says:

    you are doing it for the same reason i tolerate the disease here at home, because you love your father as i love my brother……………………….we keep trudging although the road leads to nowhere, the love we carry is far longer than any path we will ever walk, and for this reason we must continue are journey………………….

  2. Ellen Reaves says:

    He keeps asking about it because he forgot what your response was the last time. That is the nature of the disease. Stop trying to win the fight with the disease and just comply. He will probably have more comfort in knowing and seeing it there, than actually using it. TRUST ME!

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