Yesterday I wrote about how dad got in trouble over the weekend by shouting and cursing at his medical aide when she told him he could not make out with his lady friend on the sofa in the lounge.
This morning I went to the Assisted Living Facility (ALF) to visit with dad and to talk to the administrators about what I had been told was an “incident”. I had an interesting reaction in that no one was concerned about it (except the medical aide).
When I came in the door, dad was at an activity. I took the time to go to his room and drop off some snacks for him in his refrigerator. Then I went to the main lobby to talk to the nurse/social worker.
I asked what the response was to be for the incident that occurred over the weekend. She said she really didn’t know what to say and we went to meet with the director. Both were fine with the situation. They felt the aide had over-reacted.
They asked me how I felt about dad’s behavior. I said I thought it would be OK in his own room but could see where it would cause a problem in the lobby. They told me that basically was their policy. But, Mary’s family was not quite that understanding.
Mary had lost her husband just over a year ago. Her family is not comfortable seeing her with other men and especially cuddling with other men or holding hands. They have specifically requested that Mary not be allowed in any resident’s rooms except her own. Therefore, they generally just try to “re-direct” Mary whenever she is in situations that are going too far.
They consider it normal adult behavior for residents to want to be close to others of the opposite sex. They just generally would direct them to take some activities to their own rooms if they are the type that would offend others when done in public.
I was relieved to see that dad was not considered “in trouble” with the administrative staff. He has really blossomed in the past year and they agree with that. They said that other staff have been able to re-direct dad in the lobby with just a quiet word or just a nod. They thought they might have to retrain the aide in question and others if necessary so that a scene is not created.
Dad is generally a very quiet person, and they are very aware of that. They felt that the way he had been confronted contributed to the events that occurred over the weekend.
While we were in the sunroom having our conversation, dad and Mary were returning from their activity. In fact, Mary was pushing dad who was sitting on his walker seat rather than walking. She wheeled him into the room where we were.
The director said Mary was an “enabler” as she loved to “take care” of dad and didn’t mind pushing him. But the staff (and I) prefer that he do his own walking so he won’t lose the ability to do so.
After that I took dad to his favorite restaurant for an Italian lunch. He asked if Mary could come, but I said no. When I fold down the back seat to hold his walker, there is no room for any additional passengers. I only have 2 seats in front.
That is true. It is also true that I was glad to be able to go out where it was just me and dad. I haven’t had that much time with dad since my return from the south. And each time I have been there, Mary has been sitting right at his side (except the day when my son and grandson and I went with dad to his room.)
It was a nice day out. And I had leftovers for supper!