More on Dad’s Shoes


Previously I wrote a post about dad refusing to wear his shoes.  I was frustrated that I couldn’t see for myself what the problem was since he had perfectly good shoes when I left.  It turns out he still has perfectly good shoes.  He has just decided he doesn’t like them anymore.

After I returned home from my vacation, I took dad to his doctor.  It was a cold and drizzly day and dad was wearing his slippers.  I convinced him to wear his shoes even though he said they were not comfortable.  Once we got out and to the doctor, he never mentioned the shoes again.  I thought the problem was solved.

However, after that I noticed he continued to wear just his slippers in the assisted living facility.  This past week when I was taking him to lunch, I suggested he wear his shoes, and again he said they hurt his feet.  It wasn’t raining and it wasn’t as cold as the week before, so we just went out with him wearing his slippers.

I brought his shoes home with me.  I told him I will get him new shoes or have his old ones stretched.  Today I took his shoes to the mall and to a decent shoe store.  They had very few choices in the type of shoes dad likes (basically what he called boat shoes, or I would have called loafers.)  They had some canvas shoes and one pair of softer leather that would have been available in a wide size but they were out.

I bought the canvas shoes which had a square front rather than tapering into the middle.  The salesman thought they would give dad’s toes more room.  My guess is that dad’s toenails are mis-shaped and that makes his shoes uncomfortable.

I also took his old shoes to a shoe repair shop and left them to be stretched, especially in the front.  I am hoping that either the new shoes will fit or the stretched shoes will become more comfortable.  I will bring the new shoes when I visit dad tomorrow.  The others won’t be ready until later in the week.

I find myself spending a lot of time on “dad care” even on the days when I don’t visit dad at all.  In addition to days I shop for dad’s groceries or shoes or whatever, there are also the paperwork days.  I finally finished dad’s taxes last week.  I had to file both federal and state tax forms for him.  I completed the forms and then brought them to dad for his signature.  Then I took them to the post office to send certified with proof of delivery.

Since I had to do my own anyway, I didn’t mind.  But his are more complicated and of course it doubles the time it takes to get it all done.  I guess I would rather spend my “dad time” on being with dad rather than on these other tasks that I do for dad.

At least the weather should start to warm up soon though it remains quite cold and very wet.  We even had ice pellets come down yesterday.  I think if the weather is warm and dry I won’t worry about letting dad go out wearing his slippers.  At his age, he should be able to do whatever he wants to as long as it doesn’t put him at risk.

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About letstalkaboutfamily

I am a retired and was the primary caregiver for both my parents before they passed. I have children and grandchildren. This blog is an attempt to connect with other caregivers and share ideas and experiences. I hope you will let me know what worked for you if you had an experience similar to mine. The main issues I am going to talk about are elder care, death and dying, assisted living, family relationships and hoarders and hoarding. Other topics will come up as I address the issues and my relationship with other family members.
This entry was posted in Alzheimer's Disease, Caregiving, Dementia, Elder Care, Eldercare and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to More on Dad’s Shoes

  1. terry1954 says:

    even on the days I don’t visit Al I am always doing something for him or thinking about him. It is a never ending deal. We are the caregivers and it is a 24/7 job, but once up on a time he was your 24/7 caregiver. I guess that is the way I look at Al. If I didn’t do it no one else would and besides, he is my brother

    • Yes, he was there for me — though mom was on the 24/7 duty. Still if I didn’t do it, no one else would. And yes, he is my dad and I love him and want to be with him and do for him while I still can.

  2. boomer98053 says:

    Caregiving involves all the time you spend on behalf of your loved one, which is in addition to visiting time. I was the primary caregiver for my father who lived in the memory care unit of a facility in Oregon prior to his death in 2007. I live in Seattle, but I’m here to tell you that my caregiving wasn’t limited to the times I traveled to Oregon and was on-site with him. Whether you live geographically close or not, your caregiving time is multifaceted, to be sure. I sincerely believe that caregiving is 24/7 because if you’re not actively doing something on your loved one’s behalf, you’re always on duty – even if on duty means thinking about your loved one.
    Caregivers are heroes to me – so I have a lot of heroes in my life.

  3. tersiaburger says:

    My dad spent the last 18 months of his life with me. It was such a privilege caring for him. I am grateful for the special time we had together.

    • It is special to have time for dad alone. I used to feel split between mom and dad during my visits. Both wanted to spend time with me. Now dad doesn’t do as muc as we used to work on computers, but we have time to just be together and focus on each other.

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