Settling Dad’s Estate

I haven’t posted for awhile so it is time for me to get back on track. I returned home from my Southern vacation three weeks ago. Unfortunately, I caught a bug while flying I think and ended up with a serious cold with bronchitis and more. I am still taking antibiotics to get rid of the remainder of this bug.

I had a long list of tasks to accomplish when I got home. Few have been done because I was so knocked out by my illness. Finally last week I was ready to begin to do some of the things that needed to be done.

First I arranged for one charity to pick up four boxes of dad’s belongings and then a week later I took 7 more bags to the drop-off center for another charity. Since the estate lawyer wants me to document everything that I give away, this is not an easy task. I photograph and list all the items and retain those with the receipts from the charities.

This week was finally warm enough at the same time that I felt well enough and I began to clean out my garage. I found more boxes of dad’s summer clothing, several jackets and other boxes of his belongings all of which did not fit into his Assisted Living apartment. I knew I was storing items at my home, but thought I had already donated most of them. Now I have more boxes and bags to drop off when I get some time and energy to do so.

Another task on my to-do list is taking dad’s televisions to be recycled.  His computer also needs to be recycled, but my son will take care of that.  Dad hadn’t used that computer in 4 years but he refused to let me take it away.

This week I expect to finally get the required papers from the court and then I will be able to open a bank account for dad’s estate. At last I will be able to deposit the refund checks he got from his rent, utilities and other places. And I will be able to pay his medical bills that are all filed in a folder waiting for me to be able to make out a check.

This whole process is taking much longer than it should. But I have no options other than to take things day by day. In one sense I was too busy while I was away and then sick when I got home so it wouldn’t have mattered if I got the proper papers sooner or not. With luck by the end of this week I should be starting the process of settling dad’s probate.

Also earlier this month I had to work on my federal and state taxes and on dad’s federal and state taxes. Since I couldn’t make checks from the estate yet, I had to use my own personal check to pay dad’s taxes. Later I will be reimbursed by the estate.

In the meantime I just learned that the mother of a friend will be moving into the same Assisted Living Facility that dad had been living in. Like so many people, she was adamantly opposed to move into assisted living, even though she was having a lot of difficulty living alone. Her son finally just packed up her belongings and arranged for the move. They are hoping she won’t try to wonder home as she knows the area so well. I hope she finds the companionship makes her feel happier and more comfortable than the loneliness of her own home.

So even as I wind things up for dad, I am an observer of others in the same situation. I feel like I have been too busy to even take the time to grieve for dad. It will hit me in little bits as I am doing other things. I haven’t been back yet to the places where I used to take dad to lunch, or even to his assisted living facility.

Day by day, I am beginning to normalize my life. But I feel that it will take time for me to get used to the idea that I don’t have to be ready to jump and run when the phone rings. Dad is in a better place. Soon I will not have to keep reminding myself that I can really make plans for my own activities now.

About letstalkaboutfamily

I am a retired and was the primary caregiver for both my parents before they passed. I have children and grandchildren. This blog is an attempt to connect with other caregivers and share ideas and experiences. I hope you will let me know what worked for you if you had an experience similar to mine. The main issues I am going to talk about are elder care, death and dying, assisted living, family relationships and hoarders and hoarding. Other topics will come up as I address the issues and my relationship with other family members.
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14 Responses to Settling Dad’s Estate

  1. jmgoyder says:

    I am thinking of you.

  2. JodiMelsness says:

    I remember we just packed up my mom too. She didn’t want to move but was not eating well and getting lost in our small town. I hope you’re feeling better and can get through the tedious paperwork.

  3. Janet Yano says:

    I’m so sorry to hear your father passed away. I just read a few of your previous blog posts since I was away from blogging the past several months while I went back to work. You took amazing care of your father. I hope you feel better soon.

    • Thank you, Janet. I feel I am finally on the mend. I do believe I am more apt to get a cold attimes like this when I am mentally and physically exhausted. Now I hope to stay well for the rest of the spring — and summer.

  4. boomer98053 says:

    I have to comment on one of your thoughts in the last paragraph: I remember after my father’s death in 2007 that I still cringed when the phone rang. Eventually that concern melted away but initially, it took some getting used to. I had assigned my father’s personal line to a specific ringtone so when he was still able to use the phone, that ringtone blasted through my house with his many calls. Later on in his disease journey, any phone call that came with a 541 area code was the facility calling me regarding dad. I haven’t had any 541 area code calls in almost five years now.

    • That is how it is for me, Irene. First I jumped for the phone because of mom, and then for dad, so I still jump each time the phone rings! Now it is the law firm i am waiting to hear from, but often it is just junk calls.

  5. I hope you are feeling better from the bronchitis and finding your way toward unclenching. Stress becomes such a part of us, it takes a while, I bet. As for junk calls, I finally got rid of my land-line a few months ago. I hope you are enjoying those activities you mentioned!

    • Thank you, Ella. I have recovered. But now I am just overwheomed with the catch up process of stuff neglected while I was on vacation, and even more with the multiplicity of tasks necessary to settle dad’s estate. I hope to write about it soon. I expected to have more “me time” by now. Add some new health issues, and I have longs lists of things to do as soon as I find time to do them.
      I am trying to read the blogs of others I follow and comment when time allows. I am much impressed with your progress towards your own goals. Take care.

      • It is a lot of work. I hope things ease up and you find some me time very soon. Lord knows you deserve it.

      • Thanks, Ella. I keep thinking I see some writing time just a few days away. But it disappears before I get to it! Still spending a lot of time with emails and phone calls to the lawyer. I felt I made some progress last week, but there is so much to be done. I will try to write a little soon.

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