End of the Year Wrap Up

I know I am way overdue for a posting especially now that the year is drawing to a close.  This will be my first Christmas without dad, and he would have had another birthday by now too.  I miss dad very much, and even after 5 years, I miss mom incredibly too.

This is the first year I can plan to travel without arranging for companions to watch over dad.  It lifts a heavy weight off my shoulders, but still leaves a large empty spot!

Most of the tasks I had to do after dad’s passing have been done.  But the estate probate still must be settled.  This is complicated by sibling disputes and may not happen for quite awhile.  In the meantime I try to put it out of my mind.  The lawyer is supposed to be handling that so there isn’t much I can do other than stress about it!

Even with dad gone, I still encounter elder issues on a regular basis.  I live in a community of seniors and many have had serious illnesses this year.  In fact, 2 nearby neighbors have passed in the last month and several others are seriously ill at this time.  When I can, I help my neighbors determine what resources are available for them since I spent so many years studying about those issues.

I continue to keep up with some of the blogs that I have been reading for years.  But I have dropped many of the others as I try to pick up other activities in my life.  Now I am able to attend seminars or travel out-of- state more easily and I have done so several times. I haven’t even looked at this, my blog, in months because of family and other obligations.  I had hoped that once I wrap up probate I could blog about the process.  But with this being so involved right now, I have decided to stay away from the details.  I will just say that I don’t feel that I have totally dealt with mom’s and dad’s passing because there are still so many issues up in the air.

Grief is a strange thing too.  For one day I will think that I am totally OK and the next day I will get a sudden urge to call mom (gone 5 years now) or go visit dad.  They were such an intricate part of my life for so long, it is hard to internalize the fact that I can’t just go see them now.

As we approach the holidays, I am thankful to have most of my children and grandchildren nearby.  My focus is on preparing for the holidays and family gatherings that will be happening in the next month.  I hope to feel a fresh start in 2016 and to be able to move on.

I will always miss mom and dad, but now I need to focus on the future and the things I can do with the younger generations.  It is odd to be the oldest generation now — the orphan who can’t turn to mom and dad with questions as I always have.

And for you, my readers, I hope the past few years of blogging has been a help in your eldercare responsibilities.  I am not sure how much I will post in the future, but for now I will keep up what I posted in the past.

I had always envisioned this blog moving on to other family issues.  Perhaps after the disputes are settled, I will feel more ready to do so.

In the meantime, I wish you all a Happy Holiday Season, whether for Hanukkah or Christmas or New Years or any of the other holidays people celebrate during this time of the year.

About letstalkaboutfamily

I am a retired and was the primary caregiver for both my parents before they passed. I have children and grandchildren. This blog is an attempt to connect with other caregivers and share ideas and experiences. I hope you will let me know what worked for you if you had an experience similar to mine. The main issues I am going to talk about are elder care, death and dying, assisted living, family relationships and hoarders and hoarding. Other topics will come up as I address the issues and my relationship with other family members.
This entry was posted in After Death, Caregiving, Eldercare, Probate and Estate Settlement, relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to End of the Year Wrap Up

  1. boomer98053 says:

    What a difference this winter is from the last several winters. I remember your yearly posts about the struggles of arranging care while you were away, and although it is good that you are no longer tasked with that yearly item, I’m sure you would give anything to have your father around and NEED to do that arranging. I personally would never have robbed my father of finally escaping the bonds of Alzheimer’s, but I surely would like to have more time than his 89 years.

    Happy Holidays to you. Stay healthy so you can continue to outlast all the other residents in your community. Irene

    • Thanks, Irene, We have a wide age range here in this community from 55 to 98, so it is mainly the older more frail neighbors who have been having health problems. Still, they are all friends and we keep up together with various activities at the clubhouse. You are right, that I would love to see dad again for Christmas and more. But I know he is at rest and at peace and he had a good long life. Still, I will always miss him, and mom too. Have a Happy Holiday.

  2. jmgoyder says:

    I have just decided to take yet another blog break but saw you post and had to say yay for you and happy Christmas! Jxxx

  3. JodiMelsness says:

    I completely understand! Have a wonderful holiday!

  4. SwittersB says:

    Oh I missed this….health and surgeries waylayed my focus. So sorry for your losses and thank you for sharing your journey along the way….take care and enjoy your life. Gary

    • Thank you, Gary. I hope to write a bit more after I finally finish with Probate. I expect/hope it will be soon. I’m sorry to hear about your health and surgery issues. Life gets complicated sometimes. I do want to say though, that your blog (Hoarding Woes) sure helped me as I was on the journey of caregiving for both my parents. Though my work on this is almost done, I feel forever changed by the experiences along the way. Take care. Lori

  5. Just found your blog and I want to thank you for writing it. Both my mother and mother-in-law are in residences for memory care (one has vascular dementia and the other Alzheimer’s) and I understand the impact these disorders have on a family. I can’t imagine how difficult it was to be the sole caregiver, but I do understand the anxiety, fears, and sometimes anger that comes along with this very precarious territory. I hope that you are continuing to write – You have a powerful voice, and whatever you choose to write about – even if it’s a journal – will serve to be an important outlet for you, and fascinating insight for your reader.

    • Thank you, I know it has been awhile since I have posted, but I do hope to get back at least once in awhile. I only learned in the last few months of dad’s life that he did also in fact have 2 kinds of dementia — vascular dementia as a result of a stroke 10 years before as well as early Alzheimer’s. Still his function was sometimes surprising. The dementia consulting doctor said that dad had good function in some areas where a typical Alzheimer’s patient would not. I am grateful for the time and abilities he had and our chance to be together regularly. I think we grew much closer those last 4 years because previously we were living thousands of miles apart.

      Good luck with your mother and mother-in-law. It is a huge commitment of time and energy to be involved as a caregiver, for even when you are not physically with them, they are continuously on your mind. I am glad to see you posting again, though I haven’t been keeping up with reading blogs much better than writing them. Still, I hope to get back to it.

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