I know I am way overdue for a posting especially now that the year is drawing to a close. This will be my first Christmas without dad, and he would have had another birthday by now too. I miss dad very much, and even after 5 years, I miss mom incredibly too.
This is the first year I can plan to travel without arranging for companions to watch over dad. It lifts a heavy weight off my shoulders, but still leaves a large empty spot!
Most of the tasks I had to do after dad’s passing have been done. But the estate probate still must be settled. This is complicated by sibling disputes and may not happen for quite awhile. In the meantime I try to put it out of my mind. The lawyer is supposed to be handling that so there isn’t much I can do other than stress about it!
Even with dad gone, I still encounter elder issues on a regular basis. I live in a community of seniors and many have had serious illnesses this year. In fact, 2 nearby neighbors have passed in the last month and several others are seriously ill at this time. When I can, I help my neighbors determine what resources are available for them since I spent so many years studying about those issues.
I continue to keep up with some of the blogs that I have been reading for years. But I have dropped many of the others as I try to pick up other activities in my life. Now I am able to attend seminars or travel out-of- state more easily and I have done so several times. I haven’t even looked at this, my blog, in months because of family and other obligations. I had hoped that once I wrap up probate I could blog about the process. But with this being so involved right now, I have decided to stay away from the details. I will just say that I don’t feel that I have totally dealt with mom’s and dad’s passing because there are still so many issues up in the air.
Grief is a strange thing too. For one day I will think that I am totally OK and the next day I will get a sudden urge to call mom (gone 5 years now) or go visit dad. They were such an intricate part of my life for so long, it is hard to internalize the fact that I can’t just go see them now.
As we approach the holidays, I am thankful to have most of my children and grandchildren nearby. My focus is on preparing for the holidays and family gatherings that will be happening in the next month. I hope to feel a fresh start in 2016 and to be able to move on.
I will always miss mom and dad, but now I need to focus on the future and the things I can do with the younger generations. It is odd to be the oldest generation now — the orphan who can’t turn to mom and dad with questions as I always have.
And for you, my readers, I hope the past few years of blogging has been a help in your eldercare responsibilities. I am not sure how much I will post in the future, but for now I will keep up what I posted in the past.
I had always envisioned this blog moving on to other family issues. Perhaps after the disputes are settled, I will feel more ready to do so.
In the meantime, I wish you all a Happy Holiday Season, whether for Hanukkah or Christmas or New Years or any of the other holidays people celebrate during this time of the year.